Don't believe the hype
This evening I was watching the one show when I was witness to a five minute insult of my job by the delightful Katie Hopkins. Ms Hopkins who failed to win the apprentice seems to have a developed a new career as a spokesperson for the private sector speaking against so far equality for women and this piece was all about lazy public sector workers. The media love a strike to accuse unions and workers of being beligerent, money grabbing whingers, who like the opportunity to get out a placard and light a brazier. Is it not enough to be painted a villain in the tabloids, now the BBC is at it. Along with my staff, and co workers we have not received a pay rise for two years, and we accept the pay freezes as part of the pain of recession, we have not moaned as everyone has to take a hit, and we are very vulnerable to job losses but we understand this, has it affected my performance no, because I want to give the best support I can, and the customers are why I do my job. Now I'm not striking on Thursday but I know all those who are do not see this as a day off, let us remember they will not be paid for this, they understand the affect striking can have on the people they provide a service for. People are keen to knock teachers and I say have a week in their shoes, even myself as a care and support based career would not be able to cope with the huge pressure of teaching, which involves long hours marking and many weekends planning schemes of work.
Perhaps Katie Hopkins would like to try some public sector work, she targeted middle managers and said they were boring pen pushers, does this sound like me? I'm a middle manager, I have a diverse job which is very challenging, I am paid well but I work very hard to be the best staff member I can.
So next time you feel like having a daily mail moment, remember these lazy people, teach your childre, look after the vulnerable, care for the elderly, manage your community so are we really all bad?
Monday, 27 June 2011
Saturday, 25 June 2011
What age is adulthood?
I was in my favourite cafe having lunch when the young waiter came over for a chat about tattoos. He is the same age as my son sixteen. He started telling me about the tattoo he was going to get and I said he would have two years to think about that. He said he wouldn't as his friends boyfriend was a tattoo artist and would do it for him underage. I explained that the law was clear that no one can tattoo a minor that is someone under 18, and what type of person would be willing to break the law, would this make them a reputable artist? He said he wasn't going to show a policeman so it didn't matter. Now this lad is not what I would describe as silly, he wants to be a social worker with children, and it was only when I asked him when he qualified as a social worker what would he think if he found a thirty year old bloke for example inking fifteen year old girls, it was only then the penny dropped. But the fact he had not even thought like this, sat back and reflected on the question of why someone would put their reputation at risk for what is probably a very cheap tattoo showed me he is not mature enough or old enough to get one. All over the UK we have children getting tattoos by people who are in my opinion a danger to children. Children cannot make an informed choice about the health risks, the quality of the tattoo and the implications to their future career at sixteen and this is why the law is clear you must be 18. So how can we protect our children? I urge everyone who is a parent to make sure you are not suckered in to the myth that your child can get inked under 18 if mum or dad says yes, personally I think the law needs to be stronger about piercing as well, My own view is apart form ears all piercings should only be available to over sixteens as in my husbands studio. I find it deeply disturbing to see thirteen year olds getting their belly pierced with their mum supporting them. But that is my own view, but regarding tattoo's report and shame studios who knowingly tattoo children under 18, I say knowingly as I do know there are always those children with fake id's which are an issue. And finally talk with your children educate them, I met a lovely mum yesterday at the studio who brought her 18 year old son in for his first tattoo , she said he had wanted it for ages but she supported him to wait and then find a suitable studio.
So here endeth the lesson and I make no apologies for preaching. Let's all make a stand to protect our children.
I was in my favourite cafe having lunch when the young waiter came over for a chat about tattoos. He is the same age as my son sixteen. He started telling me about the tattoo he was going to get and I said he would have two years to think about that. He said he wouldn't as his friends boyfriend was a tattoo artist and would do it for him underage. I explained that the law was clear that no one can tattoo a minor that is someone under 18, and what type of person would be willing to break the law, would this make them a reputable artist? He said he wasn't going to show a policeman so it didn't matter. Now this lad is not what I would describe as silly, he wants to be a social worker with children, and it was only when I asked him when he qualified as a social worker what would he think if he found a thirty year old bloke for example inking fifteen year old girls, it was only then the penny dropped. But the fact he had not even thought like this, sat back and reflected on the question of why someone would put their reputation at risk for what is probably a very cheap tattoo showed me he is not mature enough or old enough to get one. All over the UK we have children getting tattoos by people who are in my opinion a danger to children. Children cannot make an informed choice about the health risks, the quality of the tattoo and the implications to their future career at sixteen and this is why the law is clear you must be 18. So how can we protect our children? I urge everyone who is a parent to make sure you are not suckered in to the myth that your child can get inked under 18 if mum or dad says yes, personally I think the law needs to be stronger about piercing as well, My own view is apart form ears all piercings should only be available to over sixteens as in my husbands studio. I find it deeply disturbing to see thirteen year olds getting their belly pierced with their mum supporting them. But that is my own view, but regarding tattoo's report and shame studios who knowingly tattoo children under 18, I say knowingly as I do know there are always those children with fake id's which are an issue. And finally talk with your children educate them, I met a lovely mum yesterday at the studio who brought her 18 year old son in for his first tattoo , she said he had wanted it for ages but she supported him to wait and then find a suitable studio.
So here endeth the lesson and I make no apologies for preaching. Let's all make a stand to protect our children.
Thursday, 23 June 2011
Put the work in and get the results back
As a child growing up I always remember my parents telling me we don't mind if your not getting the highest grades as long as you always give 100% Its such a simple ethic to live by but one which gives you results. I can remember times when I didn't give 100% and that's when I have always had problems. A great example of this was much first marriage, I became lazy, and I don't mean physically but emotionally, neither of us could be bothered and this ultimately ended up causing me to end our marriage as I began to feel empty inside. I now understand how important it is to listen to my current husband, to make the effort to support each other and to make the time to offer the physical and emotional support he needs. And to me this is the key to great relationships wether they be with your children or your family our friends and colleagues. I always try to find out about people and what is important to them, their needs and aspirations. Knowing people's childhood memories and being able to show them you know them is so special. So why I am writing about this today? Yesterday I had a very important and difficult meeting and one which could have gone wrong, but I remembered to put in the 100% and took the time to think about the needs of the people I was talking too, and this resulted in a positive outcome. So if life does appear to be going off kilter, step back and think am I giving 100% if your not can you, you will be amazed at the results.
Reading this back it does sound like one of those self help things, don't worry I'm not going to get people to do a step programme writing affirmations on post it notes!
As a child growing up I always remember my parents telling me we don't mind if your not getting the highest grades as long as you always give 100% Its such a simple ethic to live by but one which gives you results. I can remember times when I didn't give 100% and that's when I have always had problems. A great example of this was much first marriage, I became lazy, and I don't mean physically but emotionally, neither of us could be bothered and this ultimately ended up causing me to end our marriage as I began to feel empty inside. I now understand how important it is to listen to my current husband, to make the effort to support each other and to make the time to offer the physical and emotional support he needs. And to me this is the key to great relationships wether they be with your children or your family our friends and colleagues. I always try to find out about people and what is important to them, their needs and aspirations. Knowing people's childhood memories and being able to show them you know them is so special. So why I am writing about this today? Yesterday I had a very important and difficult meeting and one which could have gone wrong, but I remembered to put in the 100% and took the time to think about the needs of the people I was talking too, and this resulted in a positive outcome. So if life does appear to be going off kilter, step back and think am I giving 100% if your not can you, you will be amazed at the results.
Reading this back it does sound like one of those self help things, don't worry I'm not going to get people to do a step programme writing affirmations on post it notes!
Tuesday, 21 June 2011
Memories
Working with people with learning disabilities I often hear people say oh they have the mental age of a child, they think like a child and this is often used as a justification for sheltering people from what others think as this scary world. A great example of this is when people die or become ill. Well meaning carers will hide the truth of someone's prognosis from people they live with, or a parent will exclude a grown up child from a funeral as it will upset them. My philosophy is everyone in life deserves five things love, kindness, dignity, respect and the truth. We underestimate people's ability to make sense of life's truths and to use them to make decisions about our lives by making assumptions about people's comprehension. So what made me think of this today, well I have just spent half an hour comforting my youngest daughter while she cried because she missed her granddad, he died a year ago but she still misses him, she is five. So if people with learning disabilities are supposed to be like children why are they denied the chance to grieve and express their emotions as my daughter does. In life there is one simple truth, we are born, therefore we die and if we don't help people understand this what a hugely confusing place the world is. People may think people have merely left them or that people feel they are blamed for this. So I would say to everyone don't label people with a mental age, don't limit them by telling them what they may or may not understand. For people who may find understanding the way we explain things that's our inability to do this not their disability. So let's all try harder to explain the truth for people instead of covering it up or telling lies to save feelings, they only cause more hurt.
Working with people with learning disabilities I often hear people say oh they have the mental age of a child, they think like a child and this is often used as a justification for sheltering people from what others think as this scary world. A great example of this is when people die or become ill. Well meaning carers will hide the truth of someone's prognosis from people they live with, or a parent will exclude a grown up child from a funeral as it will upset them. My philosophy is everyone in life deserves five things love, kindness, dignity, respect and the truth. We underestimate people's ability to make sense of life's truths and to use them to make decisions about our lives by making assumptions about people's comprehension. So what made me think of this today, well I have just spent half an hour comforting my youngest daughter while she cried because she missed her granddad, he died a year ago but she still misses him, she is five. So if people with learning disabilities are supposed to be like children why are they denied the chance to grieve and express their emotions as my daughter does. In life there is one simple truth, we are born, therefore we die and if we don't help people understand this what a hugely confusing place the world is. People may think people have merely left them or that people feel they are blamed for this. So I would say to everyone don't label people with a mental age, don't limit them by telling them what they may or may not understand. For people who may find understanding the way we explain things that's our inability to do this not their disability. So let's all try harder to explain the truth for people instead of covering it up or telling lies to save feelings, they only cause more hurt.
Monday, 20 June 2011
Sticks and Stones
Today Mencap a leading charity supporting people published a report centred around hate crime and the responses to it. This report came about because of the rise in hate crime against people with learning disabilities and following the death of a mother and her daughter pushed to the edge by hate crime and the lack of response to their plight.
In Suffolk I have had the privilege to work with colleagues who are based in dealing with hate crime offences and a more dedicated group of people you will not meet. They are never off duty, they are available for people to ask advice and they make sure actions speak older than words. A lady I work alongside who has learning disabilities who had her gate padlocked so she could not leave her property reported to the hate crime team in Suffolk and the team responded by listening and offering practical support including CCTV. The result was in the ladies own words " I feel safe" which is testament to the great effect a well trained dedicated team can bring to a difficult situation. Today we had a photo call as part of the press release for the pilot project of Suffolk's Stay Safe Card. This is a project that has involved youth MP's, complex needs group members and a range of agencies including the hate crime team. The card will have some basic information around the support someone with difficulties may need in a time of difficulty, and if they feel anxious, or that names are being called, feeling vulnerable in public they can find a local shop or trader displaying a sticker and go inside. The shop staff will have received an hours training on how to support people with the card, and support can be given to people quickly. Such a simple idea, but such a good one at giving people confidence in their local community. But what makes a person feel they can make a person feel isolated and vulnerable? When do we bring our children up to hate, ridicule or make people feel their life is a misery. The sad thing is no one I believe deliberately encourages children to grow up with these beliefs but we often let our guard down and discrimination seeps into our lives. How often do you hear people call each other retards? How often do we laugh at racist or sexist jokes, making fun of people who make look different. If we allow this to enter our households it's not such a big jump to point and laugh at someone with a stutter trying to order a meal at a cafe, or to laugh at someone with cerebral palsy who has little control over their facial muscles. Or my pet favourite the way people say patronising remarks to people with downs syndrome because they look "cute". So I implore you all to think about the person crying because a young person took their picture and put it on Facebook labelled as a nutter, that young person may not really know the effect their actions have but it's our duty as parents to help them understand.
I truly hope in the future as we move forward and educate communities and schools we can promote understanding and a celebration of differences will be had, but this will only be possible if we all speak with the same voice.
Please remember if you are a victim of hate crime or know someone that is please report it to your local hate crime officer or your safer neighbourhood team, in Suffolk we do take it seriously, and look out for the Stay Safe cards and symbols.
Today Mencap a leading charity supporting people published a report centred around hate crime and the responses to it. This report came about because of the rise in hate crime against people with learning disabilities and following the death of a mother and her daughter pushed to the edge by hate crime and the lack of response to their plight.
In Suffolk I have had the privilege to work with colleagues who are based in dealing with hate crime offences and a more dedicated group of people you will not meet. They are never off duty, they are available for people to ask advice and they make sure actions speak older than words. A lady I work alongside who has learning disabilities who had her gate padlocked so she could not leave her property reported to the hate crime team in Suffolk and the team responded by listening and offering practical support including CCTV. The result was in the ladies own words " I feel safe" which is testament to the great effect a well trained dedicated team can bring to a difficult situation. Today we had a photo call as part of the press release for the pilot project of Suffolk's Stay Safe Card. This is a project that has involved youth MP's, complex needs group members and a range of agencies including the hate crime team. The card will have some basic information around the support someone with difficulties may need in a time of difficulty, and if they feel anxious, or that names are being called, feeling vulnerable in public they can find a local shop or trader displaying a sticker and go inside. The shop staff will have received an hours training on how to support people with the card, and support can be given to people quickly. Such a simple idea, but such a good one at giving people confidence in their local community. But what makes a person feel they can make a person feel isolated and vulnerable? When do we bring our children up to hate, ridicule or make people feel their life is a misery. The sad thing is no one I believe deliberately encourages children to grow up with these beliefs but we often let our guard down and discrimination seeps into our lives. How often do you hear people call each other retards? How often do we laugh at racist or sexist jokes, making fun of people who make look different. If we allow this to enter our households it's not such a big jump to point and laugh at someone with a stutter trying to order a meal at a cafe, or to laugh at someone with cerebral palsy who has little control over their facial muscles. Or my pet favourite the way people say patronising remarks to people with downs syndrome because they look "cute". So I implore you all to think about the person crying because a young person took their picture and put it on Facebook labelled as a nutter, that young person may not really know the effect their actions have but it's our duty as parents to help them understand.
I truly hope in the future as we move forward and educate communities and schools we can promote understanding and a celebration of differences will be had, but this will only be possible if we all speak with the same voice.
Please remember if you are a victim of hate crime or know someone that is please report it to your local hate crime officer or your safer neighbourhood team, in Suffolk we do take it seriously, and look out for the Stay Safe cards and symbols.
Sunday, 19 June 2011
Vocation not a job
In life many people wake to their alarm and think about how they can avoid their job that day, if they do go in they clock watch all day waiting to when they can escape the drudgery to their home where they feel their life begins. I feel for these people as perhaps they have not yet found their calling. Me and my husband we are the lucky ones we found our calling, me to care work and him to his tattooing but just because you love a job does not then mean everything is plain sailing. Take the case in point of my wonderful husband. He always dreamed of being a tattoo artist, but it was not handed to him, he spent years of drawing and building a portfolio to try and get the much sought after apprenticeship to a craftsman mentor. We survived on one wage while he dedicated his time to this and with three then four children a mortgage and a Ill tempered mother in law in tow this was no picnic. He did stray to the dreaded idea of trying to teach himself but quickly realised in learning a craft there is no quick fix in life. He then found a mentor and a apprenticeship and spent the next three years learning, cleaning and also investing in his future. He makes sure he invested what ever he earned into equipment, stock, books, reference materials and art to develop himself. He spends every minute he is not at work thinking about tattoos, drawing for people, networking and
learning all the time. Not for him this rock and roll life style, long days, no holidays and sacrificing much to be able to be the best he can. He and his mentor are from the old school of craftsmen where respect is due and given to those who went before you, where old traditions are important to keep the heritage and culture of the sacred art alive. So why am I writing about this subject today readers? The answer is simple to highlight the journey a true artist has to make, small independent craftsmen who work hard to build a business in a changing world. In our own area tattoo studios are springing up daily, in a small Coastal town such as ours from having two studios at the beginning of the year we now have four with the talk of yet another, so what will this "competition" do to my husband and his mentor, well initially yes it will have an impact as any new thing does but this is not what concerns me. My husband and his mentor have roots in this town it's their home and the studio has been here for twenty years, my worry is the tattoo studio being seen as a cash cow by unscrupulous artists who rush people through apprenticeships so they can make a buck off them churning out poor quality ink. Surely this must be good for my husband and his mentor you are thinking, more work for them to sort out others mistakes, people going to them when they see their friends poor quality ink? Well no, you see there is my point tattooing for them is more than a job, more than money. To see a poor tattoo causes them distress, to see people tarnishing the craft with shoddy work. And this is why they are artists and craftsmen, not a shopkeeper or shop worker. So please think before you take a chance on the new boys on the block, take the time to check out their ethics and back story, there is no such thing as a cheap tattoo, buyer beware. And to my husband and his mentor keep true to hour craft, for their are many who truly understand.
In life many people wake to their alarm and think about how they can avoid their job that day, if they do go in they clock watch all day waiting to when they can escape the drudgery to their home where they feel their life begins. I feel for these people as perhaps they have not yet found their calling. Me and my husband we are the lucky ones we found our calling, me to care work and him to his tattooing but just because you love a job does not then mean everything is plain sailing. Take the case in point of my wonderful husband. He always dreamed of being a tattoo artist, but it was not handed to him, he spent years of drawing and building a portfolio to try and get the much sought after apprenticeship to a craftsman mentor. We survived on one wage while he dedicated his time to this and with three then four children a mortgage and a Ill tempered mother in law in tow this was no picnic. He did stray to the dreaded idea of trying to teach himself but quickly realised in learning a craft there is no quick fix in life. He then found a mentor and a apprenticeship and spent the next three years learning, cleaning and also investing in his future. He makes sure he invested what ever he earned into equipment, stock, books, reference materials and art to develop himself. He spends every minute he is not at work thinking about tattoos, drawing for people, networking and
learning all the time. Not for him this rock and roll life style, long days, no holidays and sacrificing much to be able to be the best he can. He and his mentor are from the old school of craftsmen where respect is due and given to those who went before you, where old traditions are important to keep the heritage and culture of the sacred art alive. So why am I writing about this subject today readers? The answer is simple to highlight the journey a true artist has to make, small independent craftsmen who work hard to build a business in a changing world. In our own area tattoo studios are springing up daily, in a small Coastal town such as ours from having two studios at the beginning of the year we now have four with the talk of yet another, so what will this "competition" do to my husband and his mentor, well initially yes it will have an impact as any new thing does but this is not what concerns me. My husband and his mentor have roots in this town it's their home and the studio has been here for twenty years, my worry is the tattoo studio being seen as a cash cow by unscrupulous artists who rush people through apprenticeships so they can make a buck off them churning out poor quality ink. Surely this must be good for my husband and his mentor you are thinking, more work for them to sort out others mistakes, people going to them when they see their friends poor quality ink? Well no, you see there is my point tattooing for them is more than a job, more than money. To see a poor tattoo causes them distress, to see people tarnishing the craft with shoddy work. And this is why they are artists and craftsmen, not a shopkeeper or shop worker. So please think before you take a chance on the new boys on the block, take the time to check out their ethics and back story, there is no such thing as a cheap tattoo, buyer beware. And to my husband and his mentor keep true to hour craft, for their are many who truly understand.
Saturday, 18 June 2011
Milestones
Our lives are full of them, small markers along the journey we all make through life, some are big such as starting or leaving school, marriage, leaving home, divorce, losing ones we love and some are smaller such as first car, first kiss, first drink, but they are all as important in defining who we are and who we become. Well today was one of those milestones for the youngest and eldest in our family. Today my eldest son took my youngest daughter for her first ever trip to the cinema. She was so excited about being a big girl especially as she was going without someone she percieves as an adult, and yet for my son this was probably the first time I really gave him a huge responsibility of looking after such a precious thing as his sister for the whole afternoon. She arrived home so full of the film and what they did and my son and I laughed about how children ask endless questions and I looked at him and really saw the man he is becoming not the baby boy I cuddled and cared for. He is moving into such a new chapter as he leaves school in a couple of week,has his prom and then gets his exam results. All such big moments in his life. When I held him when he was born I could only dream of this time, and the pride in his achievements I feel. For the achievements he has made are about the way he makes people feel, the kindness he shows others, the loyalty he gives to his friends and the support he gives to his family. So treasure each milestone your children make, as they all help us understand them but also ourselves and the relationship our parents had with us. He will be highly embaraased I'm sure if he reads this, and no this does not mean I'm going to buy you anything young man!
Our lives are full of them, small markers along the journey we all make through life, some are big such as starting or leaving school, marriage, leaving home, divorce, losing ones we love and some are smaller such as first car, first kiss, first drink, but they are all as important in defining who we are and who we become. Well today was one of those milestones for the youngest and eldest in our family. Today my eldest son took my youngest daughter for her first ever trip to the cinema. She was so excited about being a big girl especially as she was going without someone she percieves as an adult, and yet for my son this was probably the first time I really gave him a huge responsibility of looking after such a precious thing as his sister for the whole afternoon. She arrived home so full of the film and what they did and my son and I laughed about how children ask endless questions and I looked at him and really saw the man he is becoming not the baby boy I cuddled and cared for. He is moving into such a new chapter as he leaves school in a couple of week,has his prom and then gets his exam results. All such big moments in his life. When I held him when he was born I could only dream of this time, and the pride in his achievements I feel. For the achievements he has made are about the way he makes people feel, the kindness he shows others, the loyalty he gives to his friends and the support he gives to his family. So treasure each milestone your children make, as they all help us understand them but also ourselves and the relationship our parents had with us. He will be highly embaraased I'm sure if he reads this, and no this does not mean I'm going to buy you anything young man!
Friday, 17 June 2011
We shall overcome
Today I had the huge privilege of attending the people first meeting in Suffolk. This is a meeting of people with learning disabilities and their supporters and advocates to speak and debate on issues facing the learning disability community in our area. So what was the hot potatoe issue I hear you ask well readers it was the impact of losing their right to free travel before nine thirty and the discrimination and in accessibility faced on our public transport. The group had organised for three local county councillors to attend and later on in the day a local MP. If the guests had thought for one minute they would get away with a nice chat they were mistaken, people power ruled and the guys attending gave them their views with both barrels. Their questions were insightful and challenging and made Jeremey Paxman look like a pussy cat. After forty five minutes of grilling the main county councillor left quickly and ahead of time without saying goodbye, this did not go down well with the guys with learning disabilities. The MP then came on and had to field all the issues passed his way by the councillor and he did this which a great deal of respect and candour, but most importantly he was honest and not patronising and everyone said they felt respected by him.
For me the most poignant comment was by a dear young friend of mine who has a learning disability as well as some very challenging physical disabilities, he simply said in relation to the county councillor "he should spend a day in my chair and experience my life through my eyes then perhaps he would change his view" And I thought there is a lesson for us all, to make descions that change people's lives we have to really understand the needs and challenges facing those people. I would challenge anyone not to have left that meeting feeling hugely inspired by the energy of a group of people who face far more adversity than most but still take on life's issues with the sure and simple hope that we can change the world if we all try and work together. I can only pray when I face problems I can have half the courage of the people I supported today.
Today I had the huge privilege of attending the people first meeting in Suffolk. This is a meeting of people with learning disabilities and their supporters and advocates to speak and debate on issues facing the learning disability community in our area. So what was the hot potatoe issue I hear you ask well readers it was the impact of losing their right to free travel before nine thirty and the discrimination and in accessibility faced on our public transport. The group had organised for three local county councillors to attend and later on in the day a local MP. If the guests had thought for one minute they would get away with a nice chat they were mistaken, people power ruled and the guys attending gave them their views with both barrels. Their questions were insightful and challenging and made Jeremey Paxman look like a pussy cat. After forty five minutes of grilling the main county councillor left quickly and ahead of time without saying goodbye, this did not go down well with the guys with learning disabilities. The MP then came on and had to field all the issues passed his way by the councillor and he did this which a great deal of respect and candour, but most importantly he was honest and not patronising and everyone said they felt respected by him.
For me the most poignant comment was by a dear young friend of mine who has a learning disability as well as some very challenging physical disabilities, he simply said in relation to the county councillor "he should spend a day in my chair and experience my life through my eyes then perhaps he would change his view" And I thought there is a lesson for us all, to make descions that change people's lives we have to really understand the needs and challenges facing those people. I would challenge anyone not to have left that meeting feeling hugely inspired by the energy of a group of people who face far more adversity than most but still take on life's issues with the sure and simple hope that we can change the world if we all try and work together. I can only pray when I face problems I can have half the courage of the people I supported today.
Thursday, 16 June 2011
A Tale of two halves
Its funny how quickly life and situations can change and that describes my day. Today started off Sunny when I left home, I had got dressed and felt fab, everything was going well. I was speaking at a conference and I had done my preparation and it was on a subject I love so I was really looking forward to it. I got up and gave my all and I got a great vibe from the audience and some lovely feedback, I was feeling on top of the world. As I left the building the heavens opened and I got soaked and I arrived at my next meeting soaked. The afternoon did not go as well with quite a difficult and for me emotional situation to deal with, all of this was unexpected, a bit like the weather. And it made me reflect, was this a case of pride going before the fall? I would be the first to say I had been very pleased with myself after this morning, was the sudden change in fortune a test, a way of making me be just a little bit more humble? Who knows, there was no way of predicting what will happen in a day, life just throws things at you and it's how you deal with it that counts. Today maybe I learned that it's ok to have a wobble and struggle with things sometimes, we are only human and it made me think perhaps sometimes I set myself unachievable standards and try to always be the most popular, most successful, most approachable person I can be. Setting your bar so high can make you full of self doubt, I'm not saying being self critical is a bad thing but I have learned punishing myself for things I cannot control is not a sensible response. So to all the self counters I say believe in yourself and your abilities, don't ever doubt you can achieve and learn from problems as without challenges life would be rather dull. And the last thing to say is the best remedy for a bad day at work is always a cuddle from my husband, nothing beats it.
Its funny how quickly life and situations can change and that describes my day. Today started off Sunny when I left home, I had got dressed and felt fab, everything was going well. I was speaking at a conference and I had done my preparation and it was on a subject I love so I was really looking forward to it. I got up and gave my all and I got a great vibe from the audience and some lovely feedback, I was feeling on top of the world. As I left the building the heavens opened and I got soaked and I arrived at my next meeting soaked. The afternoon did not go as well with quite a difficult and for me emotional situation to deal with, all of this was unexpected, a bit like the weather. And it made me reflect, was this a case of pride going before the fall? I would be the first to say I had been very pleased with myself after this morning, was the sudden change in fortune a test, a way of making me be just a little bit more humble? Who knows, there was no way of predicting what will happen in a day, life just throws things at you and it's how you deal with it that counts. Today maybe I learned that it's ok to have a wobble and struggle with things sometimes, we are only human and it made me think perhaps sometimes I set myself unachievable standards and try to always be the most popular, most successful, most approachable person I can be. Setting your bar so high can make you full of self doubt, I'm not saying being self critical is a bad thing but I have learned punishing myself for things I cannot control is not a sensible response. So to all the self counters I say believe in yourself and your abilities, don't ever doubt you can achieve and learn from problems as without challenges life would be rather dull. And the last thing to say is the best remedy for a bad day at work is always a cuddle from my husband, nothing beats it.
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
When do you become that person?
I saw my mum today when I dropped my eldest son off to stay for a couple of days. She's a real talker so told me all her news since we met last and in her tales was something that made me smile. She and her friend had gone to Norwich for the day on the anniversary of my dads death as a way for her to try and have a positive focus. Anyway she was full of how lovely it was and she then went and described how she met this lovely couple of old dears (her words not mine) Her friend Eddie is a great one for meeting people so struck up a conversation while they waited for the bus. This couple and my mum were all wanting to use the toilet but the park and ride had closed theirs because of cutbacks so they distracted themselves by sharing stories and the couple told my mum and Eddie all how they met and fell in love and Eddie explained why they were having a day out and how happy he was with my mum. Any way when they arrived in the city my mum and this lady went to the toilet, and she gave mum a knowing look and reassured my mum at her age no one would expect her to get re married. My mum told me this and said "but you know what old dears are like darling" To which I replied "mum your probably an old dear now you know" to which she laughed. Now I have to say my mum is over 75 now and she would hate me saying that but sorry mum I need the age to illustrate my point, but she is not what many people would think of as an old aged pensioner, sure she has the desirable bus pass and free tv licence, the winter fuel payment and weekly pension. However she still goes to the beauty parlour for facials and treatments (getting her head boiled my dad used to call it). Not for her the wash and set, she has a funky colour and choppy style, her clothes are not from Bon marche but White Stuff, her jeans are designer most definitely not elasticated and she would never go anywhere without her make up on. But if you look at her birth certificate she would definitely be an old dear, she had passed her golden stripes in marriage has children and grandchildren but just decided she is as young as she feels not how society expects. This labelling of age defining who you are is often a great barrier in a society which does appear to de value people as they approach the latter years, surely all being older means is you may be more cynical but wiser and perhaps want to take a bit more time than you do in the rushes of youth. My mother in law is younger than my mum but you would not know it, she has almost raced towards the negative impacts of age, always wanting to talk about prescriptions, enjoying endless trips round town, washing and setting her hair on pensioner day at the salon and making sure she is a grumpy as she possibly can be.
Me, I want to be like my mum, not being defined by age or labels, flirting and giggling and still appreciating the value of looking sexy and glamourous, and as I get a little bit closer each day to that defi ing age of forty I have decided who cares, I am not going to be old dear I plan to be a MILF in my forties and GILF in my fifites and beyond, and Mum if you read this don't look up what they mean it will make you blush!
I saw my mum today when I dropped my eldest son off to stay for a couple of days. She's a real talker so told me all her news since we met last and in her tales was something that made me smile. She and her friend had gone to Norwich for the day on the anniversary of my dads death as a way for her to try and have a positive focus. Anyway she was full of how lovely it was and she then went and described how she met this lovely couple of old dears (her words not mine) Her friend Eddie is a great one for meeting people so struck up a conversation while they waited for the bus. This couple and my mum were all wanting to use the toilet but the park and ride had closed theirs because of cutbacks so they distracted themselves by sharing stories and the couple told my mum and Eddie all how they met and fell in love and Eddie explained why they were having a day out and how happy he was with my mum. Any way when they arrived in the city my mum and this lady went to the toilet, and she gave mum a knowing look and reassured my mum at her age no one would expect her to get re married. My mum told me this and said "but you know what old dears are like darling" To which I replied "mum your probably an old dear now you know" to which she laughed. Now I have to say my mum is over 75 now and she would hate me saying that but sorry mum I need the age to illustrate my point, but she is not what many people would think of as an old aged pensioner, sure she has the desirable bus pass and free tv licence, the winter fuel payment and weekly pension. However she still goes to the beauty parlour for facials and treatments (getting her head boiled my dad used to call it). Not for her the wash and set, she has a funky colour and choppy style, her clothes are not from Bon marche but White Stuff, her jeans are designer most definitely not elasticated and she would never go anywhere without her make up on. But if you look at her birth certificate she would definitely be an old dear, she had passed her golden stripes in marriage has children and grandchildren but just decided she is as young as she feels not how society expects. This labelling of age defining who you are is often a great barrier in a society which does appear to de value people as they approach the latter years, surely all being older means is you may be more cynical but wiser and perhaps want to take a bit more time than you do in the rushes of youth. My mother in law is younger than my mum but you would not know it, she has almost raced towards the negative impacts of age, always wanting to talk about prescriptions, enjoying endless trips round town, washing and setting her hair on pensioner day at the salon and making sure she is a grumpy as she possibly can be.
Me, I want to be like my mum, not being defined by age or labels, flirting and giggling and still appreciating the value of looking sexy and glamourous, and as I get a little bit closer each day to that defi ing age of forty I have decided who cares, I am not going to be old dear I plan to be a MILF in my forties and GILF in my fifites and beyond, and Mum if you read this don't look up what they mean it will make you blush!
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Doing something differently.
I was at work today when I get a call from my lovely husband to let me know he is out on his bike to the shops. Many of my friends know but some blog viewers may not know that myself and my man are shall we say of generous proportions. This year we have vowed to resolve this situation by trying to get in shape and loose weight so this is another big step in this epic journey. I was immensely proud of him as he is not the athletic person and going out on a bike is quite a big thing. After I put the phone down I smiled and thought that's what I need to do today something new, something different to stretch my bursting brain. So tonight I am going to a taster session for the Suffolk school of social entrepreneurs. I am not sure what the session will hold for me but I have grabbed the nettle and signed up. Some readers won't know what a social entrepreneur is, in a nutshell it's someone who develops a business which makes a profit, but the profit is ploughed into a social aim. As a public sector worker I can see this being our future and instead of being someone who is stuck in the "old days" I have decided I am someone who can do things differently,so I urge all of you to try something different, change can be good if you put yourself back in the driving seat.
I was at work today when I get a call from my lovely husband to let me know he is out on his bike to the shops. Many of my friends know but some blog viewers may not know that myself and my man are shall we say of generous proportions. This year we have vowed to resolve this situation by trying to get in shape and loose weight so this is another big step in this epic journey. I was immensely proud of him as he is not the athletic person and going out on a bike is quite a big thing. After I put the phone down I smiled and thought that's what I need to do today something new, something different to stretch my bursting brain. So tonight I am going to a taster session for the Suffolk school of social entrepreneurs. I am not sure what the session will hold for me but I have grabbed the nettle and signed up. Some readers won't know what a social entrepreneur is, in a nutshell it's someone who develops a business which makes a profit, but the profit is ploughed into a social aim. As a public sector worker I can see this being our future and instead of being someone who is stuck in the "old days" I have decided I am someone who can do things differently,so I urge all of you to try something different, change can be good if you put yourself back in the driving seat.
Monday, 13 June 2011
What would be your legacy?
A bit of a miserable topic for a blog entry but I hope to put a positive spin on this one. So why I am thinking about the end game today? Well it's been a bit of a couple of weeks really, with the focus seeming to be at saying goodbye and remembering. Last Tuesday was the anniversary of my dads passing, One year has passed and we all made it through that difficult 365 days of firsts, first birthday, fathers day, Christmas all AD (after Dad).
Last Friday I had to attend the funeral of one of the people I support fathers. It was a nice funeral if there is such a thing, but what struck me was the fact the song chosen was the same as my dads, but really when you think about it that's is bound to happen, I am sure when I am in my dotage attending friends funerals instead of What a wonderful world, we may have My heart must go on, or perhaps Smack my BItch UP!
Today at work we were given the news a very much loved lady who attends our day service is very poorly with a difficult prognosis, so we enjoyed telling some tales amongst ourselves of funny stories and laughed sending lots of positive energy to will her better. But all of this focus on the end of our lives made me reflect about my own legacy when I die, will it be the things I have achieved so far? My beautiful children perhaps, my career and the people I have made a difference too, maybe my colourful skin and positive energy. I hope it will be all these things from the now but I am determined to also make it lots of other things from my future. So to everyone reading this make today count and live to create a beautiful tapestry of memories, as it's these things that give comfort to your loved ones when they lose you, not the songs you choose when you die.
A bit of a miserable topic for a blog entry but I hope to put a positive spin on this one. So why I am thinking about the end game today? Well it's been a bit of a couple of weeks really, with the focus seeming to be at saying goodbye and remembering. Last Tuesday was the anniversary of my dads passing, One year has passed and we all made it through that difficult 365 days of firsts, first birthday, fathers day, Christmas all AD (after Dad).
Last Friday I had to attend the funeral of one of the people I support fathers. It was a nice funeral if there is such a thing, but what struck me was the fact the song chosen was the same as my dads, but really when you think about it that's is bound to happen, I am sure when I am in my dotage attending friends funerals instead of What a wonderful world, we may have My heart must go on, or perhaps Smack my BItch UP!
Today at work we were given the news a very much loved lady who attends our day service is very poorly with a difficult prognosis, so we enjoyed telling some tales amongst ourselves of funny stories and laughed sending lots of positive energy to will her better. But all of this focus on the end of our lives made me reflect about my own legacy when I die, will it be the things I have achieved so far? My beautiful children perhaps, my career and the people I have made a difference too, maybe my colourful skin and positive energy. I hope it will be all these things from the now but I am determined to also make it lots of other things from my future. So to everyone reading this make today count and live to create a beautiful tapestry of memories, as it's these things that give comfort to your loved ones when they lose you, not the songs you choose when you die.
Sunday, 12 June 2011
When did my life come to this?
There was a time when a Sunday was the time to recover from the hedonism from the night before, when you couldn't lift your head from the pillow as you were exhausted from having drunken fun. So what of my Sundays now? Well I now consider being undisturbed till nine am a tremendous treat before your bed is invaded by children of various sizes, my husband leaves the bed at seven to try and grab a bargain at the local car boot, wrestling and bartering over fifty pence, and coming home thrilled with his purchases. The expectant faces like birds waiting for me to spend half an hour preparing brunch for everyone, and while I stand scrambling the free range organic eggs I gaze out of the window at the houses around and think are any of you having a lie in. So breakfast over the hustle and bustle is in full swing, my mother in law aka the fun sponge is washing up with as much fuss and aggression as possible only pausing to periodically chide or scold children, and then having her daily obsession with what's in the bin and should it be there, I swear I am going to make a sign to hang of the bin as I must tell her four times a day. My children scoot off to their jobs while the youngest tells me she's hungry for sweets not breakfast. And my husband and I retreat to our I pads, taking a moment to explore the virtual world without bins, breakfasts and rows. So the big question is would I change this life?
No, of course not life has to change and move forward as we become the middle-aged boring parents our mums and dads were, but just for a weekend the allure of a weekend alone with my man seems so inviting, so maybe today I will think about that for a while to get me through the day.
There was a time when a Sunday was the time to recover from the hedonism from the night before, when you couldn't lift your head from the pillow as you were exhausted from having drunken fun. So what of my Sundays now? Well I now consider being undisturbed till nine am a tremendous treat before your bed is invaded by children of various sizes, my husband leaves the bed at seven to try and grab a bargain at the local car boot, wrestling and bartering over fifty pence, and coming home thrilled with his purchases. The expectant faces like birds waiting for me to spend half an hour preparing brunch for everyone, and while I stand scrambling the free range organic eggs I gaze out of the window at the houses around and think are any of you having a lie in. So breakfast over the hustle and bustle is in full swing, my mother in law aka the fun sponge is washing up with as much fuss and aggression as possible only pausing to periodically chide or scold children, and then having her daily obsession with what's in the bin and should it be there, I swear I am going to make a sign to hang of the bin as I must tell her four times a day. My children scoot off to their jobs while the youngest tells me she's hungry for sweets not breakfast. And my husband and I retreat to our I pads, taking a moment to explore the virtual world without bins, breakfasts and rows. So the big question is would I change this life?
No, of course not life has to change and move forward as we become the middle-aged boring parents our mums and dads were, but just for a weekend the allure of a weekend alone with my man seems so inviting, so maybe today I will think about that for a while to get me through the day.
Saturday, 11 June 2011
What makes a perfect day?
For me today it was simple things, my daughter being good, seeing my husband at work doing great job, a bargain at the charity shop and a nice coffee in my favourite cafe. I was able to make this day happen because I can control my own destiny, make my own choices and have my own means. This made me reflect on the lives of the people with learning disabilities I support in my job. All to often their lives are run by others who make choices in their interests not the interests of the person they support. I often see people going round clothes shops with their carers and think is that the shop they chose or their carer? It takes a lot of effort to make sure someone with more complex needs is able to communicate their choice but this is what they are paying their support to do. So next time you do something you love and think I'm having a great day, think about those who may not be having their perfect day and try to give a little of your happiness back to others.
For me today it was simple things, my daughter being good, seeing my husband at work doing great job, a bargain at the charity shop and a nice coffee in my favourite cafe. I was able to make this day happen because I can control my own destiny, make my own choices and have my own means. This made me reflect on the lives of the people with learning disabilities I support in my job. All to often their lives are run by others who make choices in their interests not the interests of the person they support. I often see people going round clothes shops with their carers and think is that the shop they chose or their carer? It takes a lot of effort to make sure someone with more complex needs is able to communicate their choice but this is what they are paying their support to do. So next time you do something you love and think I'm having a great day, think about those who may not be having their perfect day and try to give a little of your happiness back to others.
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