Well it's been a while, nearly two months since I blogged, shockingly poor form camilla!
My eldest daughter has spurred me on as she has recently started her own blog, Blog of the blond which is touching, funny and a bit ditzy, just like her. so why have I not blogged, well life has taken over, I have been furiously working on my college course as well as taking temporary management of a new service and becoming a board member for a exciting new venture. So this has taken over, not just my virtual life but real life too. With Christmas fast approaching I am feeling like a very neglectful daughter, I have not seen my mum nearly enough in the last few months, and she is very understanding but that does not stop the nagging guilt in my heart I keep feeling. When dad was alive I would rarely go more than three weeks between visits, but over the last six months I may go six weeks between visits, and surely if loosing dad teaches me anything it's that things can change so quickly. So as we approach that fateful time of the year when we try to make promises of changes I think that will be my big change, I will make sure my children and myself spend more time with my mum and sister. I would love to also say I will lose weight, get fit, take up a new hobby but hey I'm just fooling myself there, so the only resolution I will have is too make the most of my family, you only get the one and they are the most precious gift of all.

The hardest hit
Yesterday a friend of mine alongside 400 other people marched through Norwich to voice their concerns around how welfare reform will hit those with disabilities. This group gave voice to many people who because of their profound and multiple disabilities may have found it very difficult to protest. One of the things that worries me about the proposals is the fact that people who live in residential homes could stand to loose their mobility allowance. The argument for this being they live in homes where they should be funded with a vehicle. This is so worrying as in the field I work in those with learning disabilities, the people still in residential homes are often people with huge needs, for whom a car is a total lifeline. Homes are being squeezed all the time as local authorities cannot afford to increase funding and costs are rising. So the outcome will be invisible people. Those with the highest needs could end up trapped in their homes, their lives getting smaller. Is this what we wanted when we all stood up to say people being shut away in hospital was unacceptable? To me we are in danger due to cuts of creating mini institutions all over the country. People with disabilities do not think easy life, let's take everything we can from the system. If you want to find hard working people go spend time with people with disabilities, no one said mmmm yes give me a life long condition so I can get a free car. As a society we should help everyone make their contribution to the fabric of our communities and people with disabilities have a huge amount they can bring to the table, but only if they can get there. DLA is an enabling benefit, non means tested and designed to help people have full lives. If you like me want everyone in Britain to have a voice and have a choice you need to write to your mp to voice your concerns or search The HArdest HIt on the Internet. Let's all support those without a voice to shout.

I have had my five a day!
Everyone knows that we all need to have five a day to function healthily in body. But I think we also need five a day to stimulate our brains, and that's five a day of ideas, thoughts or deeds. Well today I had some serious nourishment for the old grey matter when I attended the impact2enterprise conference at duxford war museum. The day started with a truly inspirational speech by Arthur the front man from the people's supermarket. A very entertaining talk where he explained his journey from chef to business working with Jamie Oliver and then setting up acorn house and water head house restaurants in London. The first eating establishments serving a social cause, funded by charity but using a business model. He then went on to talk through the journey of the people's supermarket, a fantastic story which left me buzzing with ideas. After this I then attended a workshop run by the guild looking at social impact. This is one of this areas where I sit in meetings and try to look knowledgeable but are always very lacking in understanding. Well I had some lightbulb moments in this session and feel totally ready to try and focus on this in my unit. After a lunch I had a frenetic session on social marketing and felt a little smug as I am already doing some of the things he advised, gold star for me! And then we had an interactive discussion on leadership which was facilitated by andy from third sector futures which was time to get back to basics and think about have we followers? The day ended with a wonderful talk by a woman after my own heart a chocoholic! Jo is the co founder of green and blacks and took us through her journey. She gave me the quote of the day "passion not pensions" as someone wrestling with supporting a local authority spin out this struck a chord and reminded me how i need to help staff connect with their internal reasons for being in the work to enable us to move forward.
So there were my five a day feeding my brain and making me full of more enthusiasm and excitement for the future. I am now ready to tackle the world, that is after I have checked out my social impact!

I'm sitting here reading hard for my Charities and Social Enterprise Management cert ed and the current piece of work I'm doing is around marketing and trying to define my brand. I really am the marketing mans dream, I believe so much of the hype around products I always try and buy Sony or apple, I shop at m and s for my food yet paradoxically I buy all my clothes on eBay and charity shops but there again that's another brand of social responsibility I'm sucked into.I'm trying to define our prospective new social enterprise as a brand, where would it shop, what car would it drive and so on. This has got me thinking what brand do you most associate yourself with and why? In a society bombarded with media marketing on our social networks, Internet browsers, spam to our phones, adverts on tv and newspapers we are all segmented and analysed. What age are we, sex, home owner, pets, car, professional the let is endless everyday we are sold things because someone has found the unique selling point of their product and then targeted us to buy it. Has this always been the case? Three hundred years ago was there some group of marketing men huddled together to sell local women the latest turnip. Mmm probably not but there were still aspirational aspects, people would see nobles out and about smoking, eating potatoes, wearing ruffs and the common people (you and me) would dream of having these things. Is that so different to people clamouring to buy a copy of Kate's shoes or dresses when she is photographed at royal functions? The main difference is three hundred years ago people just did not get exposed to things in the same way, there were papers of sorts but you had to be able to read or have the money to buy. Most things were either experienced with your own eyes or through a third party by a song or story. Singing was twitter and Facebook for the olden days!
So I digress what would you be if you were a brand, me I think I would be fairy washing up liquid, known by many, trusted, sometimes a little to mild, but soft and gentle. Ironic really as I have a dishwasher.
Wish me luck with my assignment this diversion must now come to an end while I get back to the books!

Keep foolish
This was a quote or rather part of a quote which inspired the late, great Steve Jobs of apple fame to keep going with his dreams. This really inspired me as too often we all treat life with this sincere reverence focusing on our careers and accumulation of financial wealth. If only we all were a little more foolish how much more pleasant would our world be. When was the last time you really laughed till your sides hurt? Me? It was last week when myself and a group of friends attended a hen night for a very dear lady, we had good old fashioned silliness, games and singing washed down with alcohol and a feast. After an evening of giggling I felt so much brighter and ready to face challenges, even the dreaded mother in law seemed easier to deal with after so much fun. So I urge you all have a laugh, make a tit of yourself and be foolish, I think mr jobs would like that very much.

Another year older....
On Saturday I turned 38, a year which is not revered but just another year older. I am finding now I get a little more anxious about the future each year, I focus on my health, my career and start worrying about retirement more, all a sign of advancing years I have been told. I'm looking forward to being forty as I see that as almost a reawakening of youth, a chance to abandon worries and have some new found freedoms. This birthday was very uneventful, a few cards and presents in the morning then hubby went to work and I went off to work to support a fundraising event. Got home had a takeaway, then my chest pains got horrific. For those who don't know I have developed a syndrome called teizetes which is an inflammation of the intercostal tissue. It's not life threatening but is exceptionally painful, the symptoms are that of a heart attack. On Saturday the pain intensified and I got worried, so had to get it checked out as I did start to worry I could be having a heart attack. Sitting there waiting for the doctor to reassure me I thought it would be bloody ironic to have a major health issue on my birthday. But it also made me realise that I had started to get to the age when health becomes your greatest gift. The news was it was not a heart attack but was still the teizetes and I have to learn to manage this better but also perhaps I need to take control of my health and stop trying to hide from my arthritis. So what for the next year? This next year will be a really exciting on for my career as we step into a new chapter, my eldest is starting to drive, and my middle children are starting their gcses. So here's to the future and health, wealth and exciting times.

Whose your coach or mentor?
This question has arisen from something that occurred this weekend. My man had some worries and he was fretting so he spoke to his mentor today. Now for those who don't know my husband was a tattoo apprentice, he is now a artist not apprentice but he still works with and for his mentor so still has the relationship. When I came home the worry worn man I left this morning was gone, he talked through his problem and asked for advice and then the weight was lifted by someone who had a good grasp of the situation. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a mentor in the formal sense like my husband does but we all make our own mentors in life. For some people it's their parent who acts as a confidant and guide, for others it may be a best friend who you talk through problems with to find your resolution. Many of us have a life partner we share with and work as a team to make decisions and finally some of us have work relationships which we can use, perhaps a professional we admire or aspire too. To be honest I think in life we can move between mentors and coaches finding the right person at the right time to help us. But to do this we have to open our hearts and minds to the concept we can seek advice and guidance, we are not alone and that a problem shared is indeed halved. Many of my friends have a religious mentor, perhaps even the person they pray or meditate too, but getting these relationships is probably what marks the difference between a child an a adult. As a teenager we think we are too independent to seek advice and as we mature we start to reflect on the value of talking things through. So why am I mentor minded this week, well apart from my man I am meeting someone on Wednesday for a 1-1 so I can talk through her professional journey to help me during a crucial time in my career when decisions are so important. But what I have to remember is to make sure I share this new knowledge and put it into my learning, as that's the difference between a sounding board and a mentor. So my advice is find yourself a mentor, be it formal or informal, spiritual or social, it will make a difference.

How long does it take to learn a craft or skill?
This is a bit of a piece of string length question but I'm sure we can all agree some principles,
Firstly it depends on the learner and student, it depends on the complexity of the task and it also depends on the existing talent. But I ask my readers this, would you let someone remove a hernia if they have only been in training for three months? Would you let a builder build your extension who has been trained at great speed by someone who is not a master builder? Would you let someone tattoo you who has shown minimal drawing talent and who is been taught in a fast track way? Well I would answer no but apparently I must be in the minority. A tattoo apprentice should present a comprehensive portfolio to their prospective mentor, the mentor will usually then critique it and the apprentice will go away and work on their points before trying again. Once the mentor accepts to train them the apprentice will work cleaning and doing menial tasks for usually up to six months to show their commtiitment. At this point the mentor may if they feel the apprentice is showing promise may let then start to learn to use the tattoo machine on skin which initially the apprentice will do on themselves so they can understand the process and feeling. After this which usually last a few further months the mentor may feel they are ready for trying on others such as friends and then and only then may they show the promise to start on doing half price tattoos on members of the public. This progresses until eventually after a couple of years the mentor will say you are ready to not be my apprentice now you can call yourself an artist. Well this is the old fashioned way but a way which teaches you humility and respect. I am horrified to see the glut on so called apprentices who present artwork which is poor quality and then being let loose on people in a quick turn around to generate more income for business owners who believe they can call themselves artists, well I say shame on you.
In life you get the tattoo you deserve so if you go and see someone without checking out their experience and you get something shocking, well learn to ask questions and make informed choices.
Well there I have vented my frustrations but I am sure here I am preaching to the converted but please if a friend says oh I can get a cheap tattoo by a friend at home, or there's this apprentice they have only been working for a week so all their stuff is half price put them right. A tattoo is for life and sadly so are mistakes.

Another year starts
Like many other parents tomorrow is the day my kids return to school, and it's most welcome as I am running out of fun ideas for the littlest one. Tomorrow my twins start their last two years at high school and their gcse's, my eldest starts his two year college course and the youngest is in her last year at primary school. And in the midst of all this academia I and about to start the next term of my CSEM. Last week I received my first results for the assignments I completed and was pleased but then thought could I have done better, and that's typical can a woman ever be happy with her lot! But it got me thinking how a few years of study can determine the whole course of your life, as an adult you do learning to develop your career but it's the study as a teenager which can have such an impact, wether your experience was positive or negative can affect if you go to university or the relationship you have with your employer. Such important times and such a valuable role in that of the teacher. We can all remember the teachers who inspired us and the teachers who taught us nothing and belittled is. This is the impact people have on our life at this tender age. So to all the children work hard, learn loads and as cliched as it is this is a really important time of your life. And to the teachers thank you for all the additional hours you do marking and preparing, the difference you make to young minds. Enjoy the new term and roll on half term!

The start of a new season.
Well it's the first of September and getting through August is always a relief for me, and this year again was a month of highs and lows. This year would have been my sons seventh birthday and in a week where we celebrate his birthday I also celebrate my wedding anniversary and remember the day he died all within a five day window. This year on top of this I had the worry of my eldest getting his GCSE results so it's all been a bit of a roller coaster. To be honest I get through August like a bit of a robot as I still find myself struggling to cope with the loss of a child and although I get a bit number each year the pain still aches. I wish really there was a book which gave me all the answers to how to deal with grief but sadly we just have to muddle through! However in all of this quagmire there is the light which guides me through and that is my family. The love they give me feeds me such strength it empowers me to keep going instead of just crawling into a little heap. And that's something that we can all hold onto human beings need other human beings, so when things are tough reach out to someone and life will be so much easier. So I'm looking forward to a beautiful autumn with some new milestones like my eldest having his 17th birthday. Raise a glass to the next year of getting through life and seizing the day.

Retro or Modern?
Now as many of you know I am a devotee of the 1950's, cars, music, fashion and styling were all just so much better back then. I have spent the weekend submerged in beautiful machinery and glamourous women. I think we can learn much from the 1950's. For example my car built in 1958 is still as beautiful as when it was made, drives better than my modern car and is a mechanics dream as it uses v8 engines and simple principles, no on board computers and most definitely no plastic. My clothes are all lined and have support built in which help me stand up straight and proud, they also make me look and feel like a women, curvy and celebrating the glmaour and sassy nature of women. Compare this to today's plastic car which need scrapping by the time the car has passed 100,000 and to fix then you have no choice but to go to a dealership due to the electronics. Women are wearing shapeless jumpers and Lycra leggings which make us look like rippling tar and show our horrible knickers which don't match our bras. Everyone is encouraged to be the same shade of fake tan which lips smothered in lip gloss so we look like we are dribbling. Women drink till their sick in doorways instead of getting a bit sozzeld on gin and tonics or cocktails. So let's try and bring back some of the fifties we can skip the bad bits like anti communist, xenophobia and racisim, and still make sure women can have great careers. But do I really want that?
Probably not, I relish the fact I am different to most, that people turn and stare when I walk or drive by. I like going to a party and knowing no one will have the same dress as me and the thrill I get knowing men are glancing at my seamed stockings and imagining the corsetry and garters holding it up and wishing their wife would ditch their leggings and fake tan! Being individual and having your own sense of who you are is something I have become more comfortable with as I have grown older and wiser but it is the one gift I would love to give to my girls as they grow up. So just be yourself, wear what you like not what some magazine tells you. When your true to you, you can be true to others......

What words are there?
This is a short one tonight really to reflect on a friends status. A truly lovely lady I know has had to bear the worst news recently as her husband died suddenly after being diagnosed with cancer. To me what make it even more sad was the fact they had only just got married and were looking forward to having a married life in a new place in turkey. Why does this type of pain happen to good people who have worked so hard all their lives. What words can you possibly say to someone in this situation to offer them comfort and support? Sometimes in our lives things happen which make us challenge our faith, beliefs and ideas. For me personally when my son died I experienced these emotions of the unfairness of life and the cruel twists it takes. With time I came to an understanding for myself that for every pain there is joy, for me losing a child made me realise the thing that would help me through the pain was the love my husband and I have for each other, and from such pain came a relationship so strong it can cope with anything life throws at us. For my friend who has lost her soulmate how can anything come from this pain? What I do know is she does have a family who love her and each other so much that they will stand shoulder to shoulder, and one of her daughters I understand is expecting so this baby will provide welcome happiness after the sadness and give everyone a chance to smile again. So when in life you feel your faith has abandoned you remember the people we love may not be with us as long as we want but the joy is we had them, got to love them and have beautiful memories which live forever in our stories, laughter and history.
If my friend or her family read this remember you have been such good friends and supports to so many people in your lives let everyone shower you with their love and kindness, it won't take the pain away but it will help you see how important you are. God bless xxx

Sorry to keep you waiting.....
I haven't blogged for a couple of weeks and there are a few reasons for this. Firstly work has been really busy, getting lots of things ready for key events whilst also trying to produce high volumes of task specific work on top of beavering away on public mutual things is very hectic!
I have also been working flat out on a personal project with my man in renovating my lovely 1964 vintage caravan. It turned out to be quite major work, but we have broken the back of this now so I hope to stick some makeover pics up soon.
Finally my joints have had the flare up from hell, my fingers are like giant hot sore sausages which makes typing very painful.

So there's three excuses I have given you for my shortcomings, which leads me nicely into the subject of my blog, taking responsibility for your actions and not making excuses. You didn't thing I was ot going to jump on the hot topic of the riots did you? It's been a shocking week of news with many iconic images including the store burning, the poor guy getting mugged after being helped and the mindless looting. It's always easy for us oldies to go down the it wouldn't have happened in our day, and bring back the birch type arguments but what I saw was angry teenagers. This is nothing new teenagers are designed to be angry and push against boundaries, that's what helps them become adults. What was different here was the fact mostly they didn't know what they were angry about, Tories, jobs, youth clubs, the rich or just the fact they wanted some new trainers. When we had the G8 riots and the student riots these appeared to be more targeted at certain things such as government building, banks or the police. The riots we saw were targeting local shop owners who were not ultra rich, just scratching out a living like everyone else. I think realistically the kids involved started out with genuine anger towards the justice system and it quickly degenerated as young people who believe they have a right to something got involved. Being off sick for a couple of days I watched jezza Kyle and I saw many such young people, kids who felt they had a right to have a kid, but no job, but benefits were their right. We need to get to the kids much younger than fifteen, from five we need to make sure they have a bright future to aim for. Many of these kids are third generation benefit claimers, so they have never known in their family units what work is. This is such a huge issue to tackle, and cannot be managed with a snappy soundbite and a huge cull in claimants. Perhaps however we saw the solution to some of these problems in the aftermath, communities forming together again and cleaning the streets, supporting each other. This was big society in action, but the trick will be to keep these communities together to help manage the issues young people are facing and to include them and give them reasons not to be angry and to seek education. My final comment is to the parents, kids crave for rules, goals and interactions. Speak to them, ask them how they are. Negotiate where they are going and when they will be back with consequences if they don't and rewards when they do. This will help them become adults who understand society better and help them be better parents themselves, we have got to start somewhere and home is where is all happens.
Phew, after not blogging for two weeks this is a bit of a behemoth, never mind speak soon.

All Systems Go......
The last week has been very busy both professionally and personally. A work we took another important step along our journey to be independent, and for me this felt like a red letter day. My colleagues went along to our cabinet meeting to see the proposal being discussed, I was I'll so couldn't be there, but they sat through a lot of items till it got to ours and then text me to say it had been agreed in principle. Those people who made they decision had a lot of people's hopes and dreams for the future in their hands for that discussion, and whilst there are still things to be doing to move to the next platform I personally feel elated that we are that bit closer. It a strange feeling to be this close to the realisation of something i feel so passionately about that I can almost touch it, but still having to have that patience until everything is completed. What I do know is this journey is going to make the finish line such a terrific sense of achievement, could this be my professional Maslow moment of self actualisation I have been searching for I wonder?
In my home life I saw my youngest reach her sixth birthday. I know it's not one of those milestones like 1, 10 or 16/18/21 but I remember at that age each year is truly amazing as you desperately want to be older, unlike me who would quite happily get younger now! So after a wonderful few days off with my family enjoying this special day, I truly feel blessed. At this time in my life I have a career which is so exciting and gives me mental sustinence, I have children who are becoming wonderful adults and Ruby who makes each day full of happiness. So life is good and I don't think we take enough of a step back to appreciate it.
On another note we helped make two lovely guys civil partnership special by driving them in the car to the service, so congratulations to Simon and guy and I hope you have a happy partnership, well done guys. Also as I write this a very lovely lady is in hospital giving birth to her first child, mel used to be my nanny and was there when I went into labour with the twins. So good luck mel and look forward to meeting your new addition.

Why are humans designed to be cruel?
This weekend saw some terrible news. For me I was trying to organise a happy event, my youngest daughters birthday party. So after the initial shock of the shocking events in Norway I will admit I put this to the back of my mind while I concentrated on my family, after the party I came onto the Internet and then was given the news that Amy Winehouse was dead. I felt another wave of shock thinking how sad such talent was cut short and thinking of her lovely taxi driver Dad and imagining the pain he must feel. But what shocked me the most was the now normal human reaction which was hitting the twitter feed and Facebook of people making jokes about both situations. It seems that as a generation we have become immune to all tragedy and make jokes at life's cruel turns. Have we really lost that much empathy as mankind? I enjoy a good joke but don't like jokes which are as a result of others pain and hurt. Frankie Boyle defended his right to make fun of young Harvey, Katie Prices disabled son, saying mum made him fair game. I find this disgusting, yes I would agree Ms Price may put herself in the public spotlight which can mean she faces jibes but I have never seen her son court publicity, he is a child, surely in our modern world Mr Boyle should be prosecuted in some way for child abuse. Who is the person that thinks about those just warm corpses in Norway recently identified by a mother or father and thinks "now that is really funny". And for the amount of condemnation Ms Winehouse is receiving, she is dead your words won't change her but they will hurt her family. So I urge people to take a moment and think when they receive a joke, and ask you if you were burying your child how would you feel if the mourners started making jokes about your loved one?

Hide behind the keyboard
I was checking out the social networking sites today as I do when I noticed that there are some really toxic people on forums, belittling people and undertaking low level cyber bullying. As a well brought up village girl my parents always said if you have nothing nice or constructive to say then don't say it. Why do perfectly normal, kind people become so aggressive when put behind a screen? Well probably because they see it as a victimless act, they don't see the distress or pain caused by their vitriolic remarks, so pat themselves on their backs for their wit and humour. In my mind they are no different to the people making rude remarks to people's faces, bullying is bullying however you see it. Society makes a lot of catchy, cliched responses to bullying, famous people saying they are against it, but I see the same people being disrespectful, comedians mocking people who they consider fair game... Now I'm no killjoy but we all have to make a stand on what kind of society we want and that needs to be the virtual society as well as the real world. Read through the post before pressing ok, and if you make comments then you need to be open about it, don't hide behind pseudonyms let people challenge you, that way we all have our freedom of speech, but also have ownership of what we say.
On a lighter note I went to a wedding reception last night for one of my husbands friends,
whom he has not seen for a while. It was a great night and gave us the chance to meet up
with old dear friends. And that's the great thing about true friends, you may not see them
every day, be in each others pockets but when you see them it's as if no time has passed and
you have that same relaxed relationship. So I wish the new mr and mrs Barty a wonderful marriage and thank them for giving us the chance to be part of this event. And if you have an old friend you haven't seen for ages don't worry about how it will feel when you see them, it will be just like it always is so enjoy!

Its a small world after all....
This week is proving to be one of those weeks where you realise how much the Internet and telecommunications have made our planet so much closer. First case in point relates to my pride and joy Lucille. For those of you who don't know I am a petrol head and a proud owner of a 6.2 v8 1958 Pontiac starchief. She is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen with of course the exception of my children. She has been in to see the gentle hands of the mechanic to give her the annual health check and she needs some prescription items or parts as most people call them. Now this you would think would pose a huge problem, getting parts for a rare American Car, but no I researched on the Internet, waited for the time delay and my hubby rang the lovely men in californina and the parts have been despatched. My baby will be good as new with items that have travelled thousands of miles.
The other example this week has been finding my first proper boyfriend on Facebook. This lad was not someone I grew up with but someone who I had a holiday romance with and then stayed pen relationship across the country, he has since moved across the country again, but through the wonders of the Internet we found each other and have been able to catch up and find out about what we have done in our lives. Before the joy of Facebook and social networking this would not have been possible. But this all comes with a health warning. Having friends on Facebook and followers on twitter is not a substitute for relationships. To keep friends and followers you must have a connection that you can sustain. Some of the most lonely people I know have hundreds of friends. So if you have people you want to maintain friendships with, pressing the like button is not enough, write them a comment, a message or speak to them. We need more human contact than just a thumbs up icon in our life. So today's thought is keep networking but fertilise the ground with water of common bonds and the weather of contact or you could be in danger of not living in a small world but a lonely one.

Who came up with that?
This morning as I battled with the frying pan and grill I thought we eat cereal everyday so why do we feel on a Sunday we have to have a full meal first thing in the morning? With every tradition somebody must have gone first. In every family you create your own traditions and then pass this on through the generations. If my sister reads this she will smile as she has refused to follow one of our family traditions around Christmas. On Christmas day My parents would not let us open anything except our stockings until after lunch was eaten, cleareed away and a walk happened. As a child this was tantamount to child abuse I often felt Esther ranzten would come and rescue us on Christmas day. Then one day I became a mum and then realised why this tradition is important in keeping the excitement and magic of the day going, and that my parents just wanted us to appreciate and enjoy the whole day, instead of the frenetic ripping open at six am that many children have, then spending the rest of the day bored and restless. My sister who sensibly has lovely labradors not children doesn't keep the tradition going, but I bet secretly she loves it when we make everyone wait when at my mums. To mean this is what tradition is all about a ritual that we enjoy and that holds us together. In the family I have created we have several traditions we have started which include Sunday breakfast, so although I moan about the cooking of it, it's a chance when we can all be brought together to eat and be a family. So my challenge for everyone today is think about your traditions or why not start a new one, it's a great feeling to think will your grandchildren be sharing it with their children and telling stories about you as I do with my children.

What a relief!
For the past ten days my life has been taken over by a combination of work and completing college assignments not leaving me much time for relaxing, blogging or catching up with friends. And this is the sacrifice anyone studying has to make when juggling life, which makes the prize of the qualification so much sweeter as you know you get your life back again. As I have another year on this course I still have a way to go but I do have a little respite now for a week. So this leads me onto the subject of sacrifice. I think making sacrifices is something we thatchers children lost site of. Our generation was encouraged to think we can have it all, children, career, holidays, money, possessions most of which was supported by a mountain of debt. The recession has been a humbling experience financially but we still need to think of the human sacrifice. Im not talking about dead bodies served to gods on mountains but the emotional sacrifices we make. Many mums reading this will recognise the huge pressure of working and being a mum, but, still be expected to make cupcakes, take children to swimming classes and grow your own veg! Something has got to give if your trying to have it all and often the things that give are the simple things, the glue that holds our lives together. Being able to relax with our children and watch them play, being able to just cuddle without having to have the pressure of date nights. Society makes us feel like failures, in every magazine there is another article designed to highlight your inadequacies, are you having great sex, are you a great lover, do you exfoliate, are you looking ten years younger, how high is your child's iq, are you climbing the career ladder.. Well I fail at many of these things, I don't spend hours taking my children to stimulating classes, but surprise surprise they have all had nice reports which say they are good and kind and try their best. My husband and I are not swinging from chandeliers every day but we love each other and are as happy and comparable now as we were when we met, I am not on a massive six figure salary but I love my job, and I may not have a degree but I am working on it bit by bit. So remember we all sacrifice so much in life, don't sacrifice your soul, enjoy your life and celebrate your achievements. And to quote a Disney film, "no one can make you feel inadequate except yourself". And I promise I will blog more regularly but if I don't that doesn't mean I'm a failure, just that I'm knackered.

I haven't blogged for a few days as college work has taken over, you forget the stress three thousand little words can bring! And as I sit there cutting and editing my mind starts to wonder onto other things... So my blog today is about strength. Trying to juggle college, work, children and housework makes me feel very grateful to the thing that gives me my strength to keep going and do my best and that's my husband. I believe for everyone there is that special person, and thirteen years ago I met mine, although it was only eleven years ago we became a couple. Having someone you feel totally connected too, who can finish your sentences, who you sit in a room and say nothing but know everything makes me complete. So as I take a break from the books I wanted to take this moment to remind myself how lucky I am and I thank god everyday for having you. And whilst I'm thinking of love I want to wish all my friends the happiness I feel, especially brim and Sam who got married yesterday.
Back to the books now

Don't believe the hype
This evening I was watching the one show when I was witness to a five minute insult of my job by the delightful Katie Hopkins. Ms Hopkins who failed to win the apprentice seems to have a developed a new career as a spokesperson for the private sector speaking against so far equality for women and this piece was all about lazy public sector workers. The media love a strike to accuse unions and workers of being beligerent, money grabbing whingers, who like the opportunity to get out a placard and light a brazier. Is it not enough to be painted a villain in the tabloids, now the BBC is at it. Along with my staff, and co workers we have not received a pay rise for two years, and we accept the pay freezes as part of the pain of recession, we have not moaned as everyone has to take a hit, and we are very vulnerable to job losses but we understand this, has it affected my performance no, because I want to give the best support I can, and the customers are why I do my job. Now I'm not striking on Thursday but I know all those who are do not see this as a day off, let us remember they will not be paid for this, they understand the affect striking can have on the people they provide a service for. People are keen to knock teachers and I say have a week in their shoes, even myself as a care and support based career would not be able to cope with the huge pressure of teaching, which involves long hours marking and many weekends planning schemes of work.
Perhaps Katie Hopkins would like to try some public sector work, she targeted middle managers and said they were boring pen pushers, does this sound like me? I'm a middle manager, I have a diverse job which is very challenging, I am paid well but I work very hard to be the best staff member I can.
So next time you feel like having a daily mail moment, remember these lazy people, teach your childre, look after the vulnerable, care for the elderly, manage your community so are we really all bad?

What age is adulthood?
I was in my favourite cafe having lunch when the young waiter came over for a chat about tattoos. He is the same age as my son sixteen. He started telling me about the tattoo he was going to get and I said he would have two years to think about that. He said he wouldn't as his friends boyfriend was a tattoo artist and would do it for him underage. I explained that the law was clear that no one can tattoo a minor that is someone under 18, and what type of person would be willing to break the law, would this make them a reputable artist? He said he wasn't going to show a policeman so it didn't matter. Now this lad is not what I would describe as silly, he wants to be a social worker with children, and it was only when I asked him when he qualified as a social worker what would he think if he found a thirty year old bloke for example inking fifteen year old girls, it was only then the penny dropped. But the fact he had not even thought like this, sat back and reflected on the question of why someone would put their reputation at risk for what is probably a very cheap tattoo showed me he is not mature enough or old enough to get one. All over the UK we have children getting tattoos by people who are in my opinion a danger to children. Children cannot make an informed choice about the health risks, the quality of the tattoo and the implications to their future career at sixteen and this is why the law is clear you must be 18. So how can we protect our children? I urge everyone who is a parent to make sure you are not suckered in to the myth that your child can get inked under 18 if mum or dad says yes, personally I think the law needs to be stronger about piercing as well, My own view is apart form ears all piercings should only be available to over sixteens as in my husbands studio. I find it deeply disturbing to see thirteen year olds getting their belly pierced with their mum supporting them. But that is my own view, but regarding tattoo's report and shame studios who knowingly tattoo children under 18, I say knowingly as I do know there are always those children with fake id's which are an issue. And finally talk with your children educate them, I met a lovely mum yesterday at the studio who brought her 18 year old son in for his first tattoo , she said he had wanted it for ages but she supported him to wait and then find a suitable studio.
So here endeth the lesson and I make no apologies for preaching. Let's all make a stand to protect our children.

Put the work in and get the results back
As a child growing up I always remember my parents telling me we don't mind if your not getting the highest grades as long as you always give 100% Its such a simple ethic to live by but one which gives you results. I can remember times when I didn't give 100% and that's when I have always had problems. A great example of this was much first marriage, I became lazy, and I don't mean physically but emotionally, neither of us could be bothered and this ultimately ended up causing me to end our marriage as I began to feel empty inside. I now understand how important it is to listen to my current husband, to make the effort to support each other and to make the time to offer the physical and emotional support he needs. And to me this is the key to great relationships wether they be with your children or your family our friends and colleagues. I always try to find out about people and what is important to them, their needs and aspirations. Knowing people's childhood memories and being able to show them you know them is so special. So why I am writing about this today? Yesterday I had a very important and difficult meeting and one which could have gone wrong, but I remembered to put in the 100% and took the time to think about the needs of the people I was talking too, and this resulted in a positive outcome. So if life does appear to be going off kilter, step back and think am I giving 100% if your not can you, you will be amazed at the results.
Reading this back it does sound like one of those self help things, don't worry I'm not going to get people to do a step programme writing affirmations on post it notes!

Memories
Working with people with learning disabilities I often hear people say oh they have the mental age of a child, they think like a child and this is often used as a justification for sheltering people from what others think as this scary world. A great example of this is when people die or become ill. Well meaning carers will hide the truth of someone's prognosis from people they live with, or a parent will exclude a grown up child from a funeral as it will upset them. My philosophy is everyone in life deserves five things love, kindness, dignity, respect and the truth. We underestimate people's ability to make sense of life's truths and to use them to make decisions about our lives by making assumptions about people's comprehension. So what made me think of this today, well I have just spent half an hour comforting my youngest daughter while she cried because she missed her granddad, he died a year ago but she still misses him, she is five. So if people with learning disabilities are supposed to be like children why are they denied the chance to grieve and express their emotions as my daughter does. In life there is one simple truth, we are born, therefore we die and if we don't help people understand this what a hugely confusing place the world is. People may think people have merely left them or that people feel they are blamed for this. So I would say to everyone don't label people with a mental age, don't limit them by telling them what they may or may not understand. For people who may find understanding the way we explain things that's our inability to do this not their disability. So let's all try harder to explain the truth for people instead of covering it up or telling lies to save feelings, they only cause more hurt.

Sticks and Stones
Today Mencap a leading charity supporting people published a report centred around hate crime and the responses to it. This report came about because of the rise in hate crime against people with learning disabilities and following the death of a mother and her daughter pushed to the edge by hate crime and the lack of response to their plight.
In Suffolk I have had the privilege to work with colleagues who are based in dealing with hate crime offences and a more dedicated group of people you will not meet. They are never off duty, they are available for people to ask advice and they make sure actions speak older than words. A lady I work alongside who has learning disabilities who had her gate padlocked so she could not leave her property reported to the hate crime team in Suffolk and the team responded by listening and offering practical support including CCTV. The result was in the ladies own words " I feel safe" which is testament to the great effect a well trained dedicated team can bring to a difficult situation. Today we had a photo call as part of the press release for the pilot project of Suffolk's Stay Safe Card. This is a project that has involved youth MP's, complex needs group members and a range of agencies including the hate crime team. The card will have some basic information around the support someone with difficulties may need in a time of difficulty, and if they feel anxious, or that names are being called, feeling vulnerable in public they can find a local shop or trader displaying a sticker and go inside. The shop staff will have received an hours training on how to support people with the card, and support can be given to people quickly. Such a simple idea, but such a good one at giving people confidence in their local community. But what makes a person feel they can make a person feel isolated and vulnerable? When do we bring our children up to hate, ridicule or make people feel their life is a misery. The sad thing is no one I believe deliberately encourages children to grow up with these beliefs but we often let our guard down and discrimination seeps into our lives. How often do you hear people call each other retards? How often do we laugh at racist or sexist jokes, making fun of people who make look different. If we allow this to enter our households it's not such a big jump to point and laugh at someone with a stutter trying to order a meal at a cafe, or to laugh at someone with cerebral palsy who has little control over their facial muscles. Or my pet favourite the way people say patronising remarks to people with downs syndrome because they look "cute". So I implore you all to think about the person crying because a young person took their picture and put it on Facebook labelled as a nutter, that young person may not really know the effect their actions have but it's our duty as parents to help them understand.
I truly hope in the future as we move forward and educate communities and schools we can promote understanding and a celebration of differences will be had, but this will only be possible if we all speak with the same voice.
Please remember if you are a victim of hate crime or know someone that is please report it to your local hate crime officer or your safer neighbourhood team, in Suffolk we do take it seriously, and look out for the Stay Safe cards and symbols.

Vocation not a job
In life many people wake to their alarm and think about how they can avoid their job that day, if they do go in they clock watch all day waiting to when they can escape the drudgery to their home where they feel their life begins. I feel for these people as perhaps they have not yet found their calling. Me and my husband we are the lucky ones we found our calling, me to care work and him to his tattooing but just because you love a job does not then mean everything is plain sailing. Take the case in point of my wonderful husband. He always dreamed of being a tattoo artist, but it was not handed to him, he spent years of drawing and building a portfolio to try and get the much sought after apprenticeship to a craftsman mentor. We survived on one wage while he dedicated his time to this and with three then four children a mortgage and a Ill tempered mother in law in tow this was no picnic. He did stray to the dreaded idea of trying to teach himself but quickly realised in learning a craft there is no quick fix in life. He then found a mentor and a apprenticeship and spent the next three years learning, cleaning and also investing in his future. He makes sure he invested what ever he earned into equipment, stock, books, reference materials and art to develop himself. He spends every minute he is not at work thinking about tattoos, drawing for people, networking and

learning all the time. Not for him this rock and roll life style, long days, no holidays and sacrificing much to be able to be the best he can. He and his mentor are from the old school of craftsmen where respect is due and given to those who went before you, where old traditions are important to keep the heritage and culture of the sacred art alive. So why am I writing about this subject today readers? The answer is simple to highlight the journey a true artist has to make, small independent craftsmen who work hard to build a business in a changing world. In our own area tattoo studios are springing up daily, in a small Coastal town such as ours from having two studios at the beginning of the year we now have four with the talk of yet another, so what will this "competition" do to my husband and his mentor, well initially yes it will have an impact as any new thing does but this is not what concerns me. My husband and his mentor have roots in this town it's their home and the studio has been here for twenty years, my worry is the tattoo studio being seen as a cash cow by unscrupulous artists who rush people through apprenticeships so they can make a buck off them churning out poor quality ink. Surely this must be good for my husband and his mentor you are thinking, more work for them to sort out others mistakes, people going to them when they see their friends poor quality ink? Well no, you see there is my point tattooing for them is more than a job, more than money. To see a poor tattoo causes them distress, to see people tarnishing the craft with shoddy work. And this is why they are artists and craftsmen, not a shopkeeper or shop worker. So please think before you take a chance on the new boys on the block, take the time to check out their ethics and back story, there is no such thing as a cheap tattoo, buyer beware. And to my husband and his mentor keep true to hour craft, for their are many who truly understand.

Milestones
Our lives are full of them, small markers along the journey we all make through life, some are big such as starting or leaving school, marriage, leaving home, divorce, losing ones we love and some are smaller such as first car, first kiss, first drink, but they are all as important in defining who we are and who we become. Well today was one of those milestones for the youngest and eldest in our family. Today my eldest son took my youngest daughter for her first ever trip to the cinema. She was so excited about being a big girl especially as she was going without someone she percieves as an adult, and yet for my son this was probably the first time I really gave him a huge responsibility of looking after such a precious thing as his sister for the whole afternoon. She arrived home so full of the film and what they did and my son and I laughed about how children ask endless questions and I looked at him and really saw the man he is becoming not the baby boy I cuddled and cared for. He is moving into such a new chapter as he leaves school in a couple of week,has his prom and then gets his exam results. All such big moments in his life. When I held him when he was born I could only dream of this time, and the pride in his achievements I feel. For the achievements he has made are about the way he makes people feel, the kindness he shows others, the loyalty he gives to his friends and the support he gives to his family. So treasure each milestone your children make, as they all help us understand them but also ourselves and the relationship our parents had with us. He will be highly embaraased I'm sure if he reads this, and no this does not mean I'm going to buy you anything young man!

We shall overcome

Today I had the huge privilege of attending the people first meeting in Suffolk. This is a meeting of people with learning disabilities and their supporters and advocates to speak and debate on issues facing the learning disability community in our area. So what was the hot potatoe issue I hear you ask well readers it was the impact of losing their right to free travel before nine thirty and the discrimination and in accessibility faced on our public transport. The group had organised for three local county councillors to attend and later on in the day a local MP. If the guests had thought for one minute they would get away with a nice chat they were mistaken, people power ruled and the guys attending gave them their views with both barrels. Their questions were insightful and challenging and made Jeremey Paxman look like a pussy cat. After forty five minutes of grilling the main county councillor left quickly and ahead of time without saying goodbye, this did not go down well with the guys with learning disabilities. The MP then came on and had to field all the issues passed his way by the councillor and he did this which a great deal of respect and candour, but most importantly he was honest and not patronising and everyone said they felt respected by him.
For me the most poignant comment was by a dear young friend of mine who has a learning disability as well as some very challenging physical disabilities, he simply said in relation to the county councillor "he should spend a day in my chair and experience my life through my eyes then perhaps he would change his view" And I thought there is a lesson for us all, to make descions that change people's lives we have to really understand the needs and challenges facing those people. I would challenge anyone not to have left that meeting feeling hugely inspired by the energy of a group of people who face far more adversity than most but still take on life's issues with the sure and simple hope that we can change the world if we all try and work together. I can only pray when I face problems I can have half the courage of the people I supported today.

A Tale of two halves
Its funny how quickly life and situations can change and that describes my day. Today started off Sunny when I left home, I had got dressed and felt fab, everything was going well. I was speaking at a conference and I had done my preparation and it was on a subject I love so I was really looking forward to it. I got up and gave my all and I got a great vibe from the audience and some lovely feedback, I was feeling on top of the world. As I left the building the heavens opened and I got soaked and I arrived at my next meeting soaked. The afternoon did not go as well with quite a difficult and for me emotional situation to deal with, all of this was unexpected, a bit like the weather. And it made me reflect, was this a case of pride going before the fall? I would be the first to say I had been very pleased with myself after this morning, was the sudden change in fortune a test, a way of making me be just a little bit more humble? Who knows, there was no way of predicting what will happen in a day, life just throws things at you and it's how you deal with it that counts. Today maybe I learned that it's ok to have a wobble and struggle with things sometimes, we are only human and it made me think perhaps sometimes I set myself unachievable standards and try to always be the most popular, most successful, most approachable person I can be. Setting your bar so high can make you full of self doubt, I'm not saying being self critical is a bad thing but I have learned punishing myself for things I cannot control is not a sensible response. So to all the self counters I say believe in yourself and your abilities, don't ever doubt you can achieve and learn from problems as without challenges life would be rather dull. And the last thing to say is the best remedy for a bad day at work is always a cuddle from my husband, nothing beats it.

When do you become that person?
I saw my mum today when I dropped my eldest son off to stay for a couple of days. She's a real talker so told me all her news since we met last and in her tales was something that made me smile. She and her friend had gone to Norwich for the day on the anniversary of my dads death as a way for her to try and have a positive focus. Anyway she was full of how lovely it was and she then went and described how she met this lovely couple of old dears (her words not mine) Her friend Eddie is a great one for meeting people so struck up a conversation while they waited for the bus. This couple and my mum were all wanting to use the toilet but the park and ride had closed theirs because of cutbacks so they distracted themselves by sharing stories and the couple told my mum and Eddie all how they met and fell in love and Eddie explained why they were having a day out and how happy he was with my mum. Any way when they arrived in the city my mum and this lady went to the toilet, and she gave mum a knowing look and reassured my mum at her age no one would expect her to get re married. My mum told me this and said "but you know what old dears are like darling" To which I replied "mum your probably an old dear now you know" to which she laughed. Now I have to say my mum is over 75 now and she would hate me saying that but sorry mum I need the age to illustrate my point, but she is not what many people would think of as an old aged pensioner, sure she has the desirable bus pass and free tv licence, the winter fuel payment and weekly pension. However she still goes to the beauty parlour for facials and treatments (getting her head boiled my dad used to call it). Not for her the wash and set, she has a funky colour and choppy style, her clothes are not from Bon marche but White Stuff, her jeans are designer most definitely not elasticated and she would never go anywhere without her make up on. But if you look at her birth certificate she would definitely be an old dear, she had passed her golden stripes in marriage has children and grandchildren but just decided she is as young as she feels not how society expects. This labelling of age defining who you are is often a great barrier in a society which does appear to de value people as they approach the latter years, surely all being older means is you may be more cynical but wiser and perhaps want to take a bit more time than you do in the rushes of youth. My mother in law is younger than my mum but you would not know it, she has almost raced towards the negative impacts of age, always wanting to talk about prescriptions, enjoying endless trips round town, washing and setting her hair on pensioner day at the salon and making sure she is a grumpy as she possibly can be.
Me, I want to be like my mum, not being defined by age or labels, flirting and giggling and still appreciating the value of looking sexy and glamourous, and as I get a little bit closer each day to that defi ing age of forty I have decided who cares, I am not going to be old dear I plan to be a MILF in my forties and GILF in my fifites and beyond, and Mum if you read this don't look up what they mean it will make you blush!

Doing something differently.

I was at work today when I get a call from my lovely husband to let me know he is out on his bike to the shops. Many of my friends know but some blog viewers may not know that myself and my man are shall we say of generous proportions. This year we have vowed to resolve this situation by trying to get in shape and loose weight so this is another big step in this epic journey. I was immensely proud of him as he is not the athletic person and going out on a bike is quite a big thing. After I put the phone down I smiled and thought that's what I need to do today something new, something different to stretch my bursting brain. So tonight I am going to a taster session for the Suffolk school of social entrepreneurs. I am not sure what the session will hold for me but I have grabbed the nettle and signed up. Some readers won't know what a social entrepreneur is, in a nutshell it's someone who develops a business which makes a profit, but the profit is ploughed into a social aim. As a public sector worker I can see this being our future and instead of being someone who is stuck in the "old days" I have decided I am someone who can do things differently,so I urge all of you to try something different, change can be good if you put yourself back in the driving seat.

What would be your legacy?
A bit of a miserable topic for a blog entry but I hope to put a positive spin on this one. So why I am thinking about the end game today? Well it's been a bit of a couple of weeks really, with the focus seeming to be at saying goodbye and remembering. Last Tuesday was the anniversary of my dads passing, One year has passed and we all made it through that difficult 365 days of firsts, first birthday, fathers day, Christmas all AD (after Dad).
Last Friday I had to attend the funeral of one of the people I support fathers. It was a nice funeral if there is such a thing, but what struck me was the fact the song chosen was the same as my dads, but really when you think about it that's is bound to happen, I am sure when I am in my dotage attending friends funerals instead of What a wonderful world, we may have My heart must go on, or perhaps Smack my BItch UP!
Today at work we were given the news a very much loved lady who attends our day service is very poorly with a difficult prognosis, so we enjoyed telling some tales amongst ourselves of funny stories and laughed sending lots of positive energy to will her better. But all of this focus on the end of our lives made me reflect about my own legacy when I die, will it be the things I have achieved so far? My beautiful children perhaps, my career and the people I have made a difference too, maybe my colourful skin and positive energy. I hope it will be all these things from the now but I am determined to also make it lots of other things from my future. So to everyone reading this make today count and live to create a beautiful tapestry of memories, as it's these things that give comfort to your loved ones when they lose you, not the songs you choose when you die.

When did my life come to this?
There was a time when a Sunday was the time to recover from the hedonism from the night before, when you couldn't lift your head from the pillow as you were exhausted from having drunken fun. So what of my Sundays now? Well I now consider being undisturbed till nine am a tremendous treat before your bed is invaded by children of various sizes, my husband leaves the bed at seven to try and grab a bargain at the local car boot, wrestling and bartering over fifty pence, and coming home thrilled with his purchases. The expectant faces like birds waiting for me to spend half an hour preparing brunch for everyone, and while I stand scrambling the free range organic eggs I gaze out of the window at the houses around and think are any of you having a lie in. So breakfast over the hustle and bustle is in full swing, my mother in law aka the fun sponge is washing up with as much fuss and aggression as possible only pausing to periodically chide or scold children, and then having her daily obsession with what's in the bin and should it be there, I swear I am going to make a sign to hang of the bin as I must tell her four times a day. My children scoot off to their jobs while the youngest tells me she's hungry for sweets not breakfast. And my husband and I retreat to our I pads, taking a moment to explore the virtual world without bins, breakfasts and rows. So the big question is would I change this life?
No, of course not life has to change and move forward as we become the middle-aged boring parents our mums and dads were, but just for a weekend the allure of a weekend alone with my man seems so inviting, so maybe today I will think about that for a while to get me through the day.

What makes a perfect day?
For me today it was simple things, my daughter being good, seeing my husband at work doing great job, a bargain at the charity shop and a nice coffee in my favourite cafe. I was able to make this day happen because I can control my own destiny, make my own choices and have my own means. This made me reflect on the lives of the people with learning disabilities I support in my job. All to often their lives are run by others who make choices in their interests not the interests of the person they support. I often see people going round clothes shops with their carers and think is that the shop they chose or their carer? It takes a lot of effort to make sure someone with more complex needs is able to communicate their choice but this is what they are paying their support to do. So next time you do something you love and think I'm having a great day, think about those who may not be having their perfect day and try to give a little of your happiness back to others.