Another year older....
On Saturday I turned 38, a year which is not revered but just another year older. I am finding now I get a little more anxious about the future each year, I focus on my health, my career and start worrying about retirement more, all a sign of advancing years I have been told. I'm looking forward to being forty as I see that as almost a reawakening of youth, a chance to abandon worries and have some new found freedoms. This birthday was very uneventful, a few cards and presents in the morning then hubby went to work and I went off to work to support a fundraising event. Got home had a takeaway, then my chest pains got horrific. For those who don't know I have developed a syndrome called teizetes which is an inflammation of the intercostal tissue. It's not life threatening but is exceptionally painful, the symptoms are that of a heart attack. On Saturday the pain intensified and I got worried, so had to get it checked out as I did start to worry I could be having a heart attack. Sitting there waiting for the doctor to reassure me I thought it would be bloody ironic to have a major health issue on my birthday. But it also made me realise that I had started to get to the age when health becomes your greatest gift. The news was it was not a heart attack but was still the teizetes and I have to learn to manage this better but also perhaps I need to take control of my health and stop trying to hide from my arthritis. So what for the next year? This next year will be a really exciting on for my career as we step into a new chapter, my eldest is starting to drive, and my middle children are starting their gcses. So here's to the future and health, wealth and exciting times.

Whose your coach or mentor?
This question has arisen from something that occurred this weekend. My man had some worries and he was fretting so he spoke to his mentor today. Now for those who don't know my husband was a tattoo apprentice, he is now a artist not apprentice but he still works with and for his mentor so still has the relationship. When I came home the worry worn man I left this morning was gone, he talked through his problem and asked for advice and then the weight was lifted by someone who had a good grasp of the situation. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a mentor in the formal sense like my husband does but we all make our own mentors in life. For some people it's their parent who acts as a confidant and guide, for others it may be a best friend who you talk through problems with to find your resolution. Many of us have a life partner we share with and work as a team to make decisions and finally some of us have work relationships which we can use, perhaps a professional we admire or aspire too. To be honest I think in life we can move between mentors and coaches finding the right person at the right time to help us. But to do this we have to open our hearts and minds to the concept we can seek advice and guidance, we are not alone and that a problem shared is indeed halved. Many of my friends have a religious mentor, perhaps even the person they pray or meditate too, but getting these relationships is probably what marks the difference between a child an a adult. As a teenager we think we are too independent to seek advice and as we mature we start to reflect on the value of talking things through. So why am I mentor minded this week, well apart from my man I am meeting someone on Wednesday for a 1-1 so I can talk through her professional journey to help me during a crucial time in my career when decisions are so important. But what I have to remember is to make sure I share this new knowledge and put it into my learning, as that's the difference between a sounding board and a mentor. So my advice is find yourself a mentor, be it formal or informal, spiritual or social, it will make a difference.

How long does it take to learn a craft or skill?
This is a bit of a piece of string length question but I'm sure we can all agree some principles,
Firstly it depends on the learner and student, it depends on the complexity of the task and it also depends on the existing talent. But I ask my readers this, would you let someone remove a hernia if they have only been in training for three months? Would you let a builder build your extension who has been trained at great speed by someone who is not a master builder? Would you let someone tattoo you who has shown minimal drawing talent and who is been taught in a fast track way? Well I would answer no but apparently I must be in the minority. A tattoo apprentice should present a comprehensive portfolio to their prospective mentor, the mentor will usually then critique it and the apprentice will go away and work on their points before trying again. Once the mentor accepts to train them the apprentice will work cleaning and doing menial tasks for usually up to six months to show their commtiitment. At this point the mentor may if they feel the apprentice is showing promise may let then start to learn to use the tattoo machine on skin which initially the apprentice will do on themselves so they can understand the process and feeling. After this which usually last a few further months the mentor may feel they are ready for trying on others such as friends and then and only then may they show the promise to start on doing half price tattoos on members of the public. This progresses until eventually after a couple of years the mentor will say you are ready to not be my apprentice now you can call yourself an artist. Well this is the old fashioned way but a way which teaches you humility and respect. I am horrified to see the glut on so called apprentices who present artwork which is poor quality and then being let loose on people in a quick turn around to generate more income for business owners who believe they can call themselves artists, well I say shame on you.
In life you get the tattoo you deserve so if you go and see someone without checking out their experience and you get something shocking, well learn to ask questions and make informed choices.
Well there I have vented my frustrations but I am sure here I am preaching to the converted but please if a friend says oh I can get a cheap tattoo by a friend at home, or there's this apprentice they have only been working for a week so all their stuff is half price put them right. A tattoo is for life and sadly so are mistakes.

Another year starts
Like many other parents tomorrow is the day my kids return to school, and it's most welcome as I am running out of fun ideas for the littlest one. Tomorrow my twins start their last two years at high school and their gcse's, my eldest starts his two year college course and the youngest is in her last year at primary school. And in the midst of all this academia I and about to start the next term of my CSEM. Last week I received my first results for the assignments I completed and was pleased but then thought could I have done better, and that's typical can a woman ever be happy with her lot! But it got me thinking how a few years of study can determine the whole course of your life, as an adult you do learning to develop your career but it's the study as a teenager which can have such an impact, wether your experience was positive or negative can affect if you go to university or the relationship you have with your employer. Such important times and such a valuable role in that of the teacher. We can all remember the teachers who inspired us and the teachers who taught us nothing and belittled is. This is the impact people have on our life at this tender age. So to all the children work hard, learn loads and as cliched as it is this is a really important time of your life. And to the teachers thank you for all the additional hours you do marking and preparing, the difference you make to young minds. Enjoy the new term and roll on half term!

The start of a new season.
Well it's the first of September and getting through August is always a relief for me, and this year again was a month of highs and lows. This year would have been my sons seventh birthday and in a week where we celebrate his birthday I also celebrate my wedding anniversary and remember the day he died all within a five day window. This year on top of this I had the worry of my eldest getting his GCSE results so it's all been a bit of a roller coaster. To be honest I get through August like a bit of a robot as I still find myself struggling to cope with the loss of a child and although I get a bit number each year the pain still aches. I wish really there was a book which gave me all the answers to how to deal with grief but sadly we just have to muddle through! However in all of this quagmire there is the light which guides me through and that is my family. The love they give me feeds me such strength it empowers me to keep going instead of just crawling into a little heap. And that's something that we can all hold onto human beings need other human beings, so when things are tough reach out to someone and life will be so much easier. So I'm looking forward to a beautiful autumn with some new milestones like my eldest having his 17th birthday. Raise a glass to the next year of getting through life and seizing the day.

Retro or Modern?
Now as many of you know I am a devotee of the 1950's, cars, music, fashion and styling were all just so much better back then. I have spent the weekend submerged in beautiful machinery and glamourous women. I think we can learn much from the 1950's. For example my car built in 1958 is still as beautiful as when it was made, drives better than my modern car and is a mechanics dream as it uses v8 engines and simple principles, no on board computers and most definitely no plastic. My clothes are all lined and have support built in which help me stand up straight and proud, they also make me look and feel like a women, curvy and celebrating the glmaour and sassy nature of women. Compare this to today's plastic car which need scrapping by the time the car has passed 100,000 and to fix then you have no choice but to go to a dealership due to the electronics. Women are wearing shapeless jumpers and Lycra leggings which make us look like rippling tar and show our horrible knickers which don't match our bras. Everyone is encouraged to be the same shade of fake tan which lips smothered in lip gloss so we look like we are dribbling. Women drink till their sick in doorways instead of getting a bit sozzeld on gin and tonics or cocktails. So let's try and bring back some of the fifties we can skip the bad bits like anti communist, xenophobia and racisim, and still make sure women can have great careers. But do I really want that?
Probably not, I relish the fact I am different to most, that people turn and stare when I walk or drive by. I like going to a party and knowing no one will have the same dress as me and the thrill I get knowing men are glancing at my seamed stockings and imagining the corsetry and garters holding it up and wishing their wife would ditch their leggings and fake tan! Being individual and having your own sense of who you are is something I have become more comfortable with as I have grown older and wiser but it is the one gift I would love to give to my girls as they grow up. So just be yourself, wear what you like not what some magazine tells you. When your true to you, you can be true to others......

What words are there?
This is a short one tonight really to reflect on a friends status. A truly lovely lady I know has had to bear the worst news recently as her husband died suddenly after being diagnosed with cancer. To me what make it even more sad was the fact they had only just got married and were looking forward to having a married life in a new place in turkey. Why does this type of pain happen to good people who have worked so hard all their lives. What words can you possibly say to someone in this situation to offer them comfort and support? Sometimes in our lives things happen which make us challenge our faith, beliefs and ideas. For me personally when my son died I experienced these emotions of the unfairness of life and the cruel twists it takes. With time I came to an understanding for myself that for every pain there is joy, for me losing a child made me realise the thing that would help me through the pain was the love my husband and I have for each other, and from such pain came a relationship so strong it can cope with anything life throws at us. For my friend who has lost her soulmate how can anything come from this pain? What I do know is she does have a family who love her and each other so much that they will stand shoulder to shoulder, and one of her daughters I understand is expecting so this baby will provide welcome happiness after the sadness and give everyone a chance to smile again. So when in life you feel your faith has abandoned you remember the people we love may not be with us as long as we want but the joy is we had them, got to love them and have beautiful memories which live forever in our stories, laughter and history.
If my friend or her family read this remember you have been such good friends and supports to so many people in your lives let everyone shower you with their love and kindness, it won't take the pain away but it will help you see how important you are. God bless xxx